Ah 2012! A year of wakefulness or general awareness leading to a reformed consciousness. Or at least that’s how I remember it. Wasn’t that the year Barack Obama got reelected? Something else must have happened in the world.
My memory is shit. I tend to blame this on my sleep disorder, but it also comes from a general propensity to focus on the new and to push old thoughts and memories into the forgotten gray matter section of the hippocampus. You know, the stuff behind your right ear? Or was it the left.
One thing I can recount from that most memorable year is my transition from working a severely high stress job to accepting a position at a smallish non-profit. At that point much changed about how I internalized the world, leading to the external effect of agonizing less about everything. I no longer face the dreaded sensation of receiving an email at 11:00PM with the expectation of composing a thoughtful response immediately or by 6AM the next morning. My colleagues are now actually collegial and I was and still am given time to learn from them and to understand the nuances of my new position without a project dividing us or a deadline impeding us.
All that being said I must scream or quietly whisper to you (depending on the hour of day) that I now sleep! Sometimes in the heat. Sometimes with a cat. Sometimes with a hot cat and squirrels waltzing on my roof. Mostly with a snoring husband and noisy neighbors (the neighbors being noisy from outside, rather than from within the bed).
I feel better. I still have problems. Can I sleep in a different bed? Can I sleep outside of the specific conditions to which I have adjusted? It’s always a trial. It feels like drug or alcohol cessation. I am always being tested. Sometimes I don’t do so well. Most of the times, I eek out ok.
In that eeking, I have learned that I miss reflecting! And here I am back at the computer hoping this my reflection will help somebody. Maybe in 2014. Maybe beyond.